Knowing You

You being in position of power

is a joke

for you to continue to be, in itself is uncertain

:

You being the provider

is misconstrued

for there is only one provider, Mother Nature

:

You being creator of life

is misjudged

For you were under bodily compulsion, Life happens only when HE creates

:

You being caring

is putting a fake face

For you expect, rather ensure care in return first

:

You being best buddy, parent, spouse, sibling, child

is actually fooling yourself

for it is purely give & take

:

You being the master

is miscalculated

for what you see never remains same and you can’t be the master of what you are yet to see

:

You never were, never will be, never are

You don’t exist, never did, never will

Came from nowhere, going nowhere…

 

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Him & Her

They both took birth in same society with similar surrounding, opportunities and challenges. A Story of him & her born as equals, but shaped as, please find out…

him: He is the son of the proud parents, someone who will take the family name ahead.

her: She is the lovely daughter of her parents too.

him: He got parental attention, love & care and is sent to good school for good education & good life ahead.

her: She is the one parents are generally worried about. They sent her to a nearby decent school with a view to prepare her for being able to get good match and get settled.

him: He spent his time playing various outdoor games but was not allowed to do or get into any chores. He got most of the things done and had to never get his hands into anything.

her: She is born responsible (made to believe that she is ‘sayani’ – Punjabi word for responsible) and developed tolerance for almost everything before she is fully developed herself. She too spend time playing indoor games (outdoor games will make her skin complexion dark and unsuitable for marriage) but only after she is done with helping her mother with basics, doing her chores herself and helping her father and little brother.

him: He passed from school having his doting father fully determined to get him into nothing less than Medical, Engineering or something which gets him into highly paid job.

her: She too passed out from school having her father worried but fully determined to get her into anything that will make her a suitable prospect in the marriage market – teacher training course or any light course which will let her handle – both family & job comfortably.

him: By the time he graduated and acquired professional degree, he had started to understand the society better, had good circle of friends but could barely manage on personal front – fully dependent on his parents for anything  & everything.

her: By the time she becomes graduate, she had degree from open university along with 1 or 2 menial certificates and diplomas in areas she was made to believe good for her.

him: Time flies, he got married had his family, works for good company earning good money but cannot survive on his own when it comes to personal and family chores. It was his time to support his family and parents with small tasks but his inability to complete any task pulled him down every time. He just could not handle his inability and wished his parents continue to do these tasks for him, as always.

her: Time flies, she got married too. She was completely at ease with her low paying job, handling her family and providing support to parents as well. But had various limiting factors – She didn’t know that she did not know so many things as she was shut from outside world for so many years. She spent her formative years as if she has never lived those years, she was actually preparing for coming time… Preparing ~ not living.

him: When time came to support parents not financially but being physically present for their small requirements and needs, he just could not manage it at all. He was never prepared to be independent as this word mean only earning good money to him. He was not prepared in his formative and early adolescent years for something called ‘Life’ all he could do is Eat, Sleep and works 9 to 5 and earn his living.

her: She could not understand what her otherwise supporting husband and now grown up kids expect from her. She could not understand that they want her to achieve more not for them but for herself as she deserves it. She is so contented being an average that she missed understanding that her ever supporting family is pushing her to know her worth and achieve what she had missed so far in life.

Note to Parents / Society / Teachers / Educational & Religious Institution:  #Create and provide equal opportunity to every child-irrespective of gender, #Independence is not limited to finances, it is being independent in every respect, #Education beyond books-understanding of self along with self needs, #Let your child blossom don’t create limitation in their mind, #Do not limit your Parenting with a view to create your income substitute, #Being able to see child as child – without any title of him or her

Love yourself

Rhea was eager to speak to her sister to share the decision to part ways with Sujoy after 3 years in relationship. Her last two attempts to share her decision with sis were disastrous, for she could not gather enough courage to initiate the conversation. Today she had called her sister to a restaurant that has ‘only for ladies’ policy every Wednesday with extended Happy Hours till 8 PM, another marketing gimmick to lure crowd to keep mid week day busy.

She reached the restaurant an hour and half before time. Her mind is juggling with many thoughts as she is firm on her decision to be herself, she needs her sister to stamp it now. She took a corner table which usually people avoid as it offers the full view of its occupant to all walkers on the busy Hauz Khas lane. She ordered special masala lemonade from mohan nagar, under category of new arrival and settled herself on a cosy cane chair. Desi local drinks were her favourite. She recalled her first date with Sujoy while having goli wala banta bottle. Smile appeared on her face and she evokes how Sujoy approached her without any common thread at the cafe. She liked his confident but demure personality. Loud birthday cheer from other corner of restaurant broke Rhea’s chain of thoughts. Ladies clicking pics, cheering, blowing kisses in air and dancing. It was like they were celebrating their independence with no ogling eyes around, freedom to behave the way they want to and do what they like to; they reminded her of free flock of birds in the sky with no prying eyes.

She started to arrange her thoughts on how she is going to bring up this conversation with sis. 3 years of togetherness and know it all phase took the charm off this relation. Sujoy became as predictable as Johny Johny nursery rhyme. Her choices-especially when she prefers goli wala banta bottle over his sex on the beach type mock tails or when she enjoys buddi amma ke pink baal without any hiccups in front of his regular cyber city friends, had started to irk him. Peer pressure built up and Sujoy started to react, on the same habits which attracted him towards Rhea.

Happy faces of cheerful ladies in tube tops and LBD on the other end of restaurant planted another thought in Rhea’s mind, what makes greater bond while you are on a journey together with a person? For sure it is not physical attraction because this is the 1st thing which fizzle out soon, more so with FB generation. Soon you know which trigger will bring what reaction and you find yourself adjusting with situation. When love is replaced with series of endless adjustment it is the start of the end of relationship. That leaves Rhea with deeper question, what keeps the relationships alive? It is certainly not the tips from 50 shades of grey as suggested by her girly roommate from hostel. Could it be respect? For sure Respect is important in any relationship but you need something more than that to keep things going. Is it Love itself? But then everyone has their own definition of love and they all seem to be right, if not perfect definitions.

Challenges appear when individuals start to lose their own identity and start to see themselves through the lens of their partner. For it is when you see yourself through the eyes of others you have given your charge to the other person and you start to feel about yourself the way others see you. World is so full of individuals trying to correct others or mend their habits as per their own comfort level.

Rhea’s thought pushed her further, for the want of companionship individuals are losing their own identity. One doesn’t have to stop being himself and feel suffocated under the garb of being with someone. Being together doesn’t mean you stop living your life. First priority for anyone is to take care of oneself, for if you are not happy with yourself, you can’t keep people around you happy. No two persons on this planet can be identical – in habits, interests, response & the way their mind process information, so why take stress or even attempt to make anyone like you. Respect for being two distinctive individual personalities and tolerance are the solid rocks which can form the base of any relationship.

A loud call of her name ‘Rheeeeaaaa’ made sure that every head in restaurant turned in the direction of the voice. She saw that smiling face walking merrily towards her with open arms giving a damn to the world around. Without any sign of embarrassment she picked herself up to be dropped in the arms of someone who had always accepted her as she is, her gorgeous sis…

While she hugged her sis, Rhea is determined to leave the traces of past behind, look forward to good things in life and simply love herself as she is.

 

Purpose – Have you find yours?

Purpose, probably no other word in English vocabulary would have given me more stress than this single word. During growing up years, its meaning kept changing – from acquiring good education to being independent, married, family & finally abode of your own. There was a stage in life that gives you a notion that you were (able to) achieve these purpose(s) attached to different stages of life. Until your alter ego hits you one day and ask the Question, were these really the purpose of your existence? And it gives you the explanation too. All these events happened because they had to….. No major life force went strategically behind any one of these to come in existence. What is the purpose of your existence?

You are forced to look around at different people. People who are doing well or those who are happy, as they talked passionately about purpose. Some of these folks were intelligent or influential or actually interesting or whatever some. But no sooner than later you realize that most of these folks act fabulously under the garb of confidence or position or power and are fooling themselves as what they claim is certainly not the purpose of their existence. While they speak passionately about their purpose, they are tightly cling to their position of authority or comfort of routine (Known) clearly missing their purpose from miles as reflected in their acts.

You are stuck again with the same Question, what is the purpose of existence?                                   And this time you have high tendency to get hooked on to one of many philosophical entities (naam mai kya rakha hai…). These bodies are mighty and they do provide fresh air for some time. But after a while you land up being more confused, between total surrender to Almighty & handling grinds of daily life, than sorted out.

Question remains, what is the purpose of existence? You may find yourself in oblivion state and let life flow through you, being fully conscious of yourself & surroundings. Peril attached to this situation is that you have no surety that you will remain in this state for eternity and when the same question will hit you again.

Have you decoded this enigma for yourself? Do share, if you think your journey of finding purpose is worth sharing and can help few other sort it out for themselves.

Wish you a purposeful existence…..

Father & 8 year old…..

On a cold winter evening in Delhi, I made an attempt (felt brave enough for that) to initiate conversation with my 8 year old…. How was your day? & like other days got no response since ‘Jeetha lal’ on TV channel had grabbed all his attention with his antics.

In the absence of alternate options waited for his eyeballs to move off the screen. After a while the father in me gathered enough courage to check whether he need some help with his school work or any other item. Pat came the reply, Not right now, after some time.

By now my heart had started to pump at relatively higher speed. Thoughts of making him crawl out of bed next morning gave me shivers. 60 minutes of time was negotiated for studies which by default will get down to 30-40 minutes owing to sundry reasons and breaks.

Finally, the time which test any Parents’ nerve like no other – Making him eat 1 chappati with Dal (Since vegetables are from alien planet and are not suitable for human beings on planet earth, they deserve no place in any of the meal) is like winning a mini battle. By 10.30, while he is preparing for a game of card or ludo with his mother, I started to count number of hours of sleep he will get, as if 11 to 6.30 might turn up an extra hour that other night.

By 11.00 after a good night huggy and retiring in the bed thoughts of ‘Early to bed & early to rise…………   and helping kids with strong foundations keeps looming large in the mind with validity of their application in current scenario.

Other than tolerance, if and ever Parents need to consider to pass on to their offspring are the most simple things like Discipline of rising & sleeping early and doing their own things/stuff on their own.

Happy Parenting !!!